Marriage and Overcoming Rejection


"Entreat me not to leave you, or turn back from following after you, For wherever you go, I will go, and wherever you lodge, I will lodge, Your people shall be my people and your God, my God, Where you die, I will die, And there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me1"

I want to get married. It's a dream I have had since I was a little girl playing ‘mommy and daddy’ with my cousins, pretending to cook delicious meals with sand and flowers in my father’s compound.

Recently, I was rejected by a man and it hit me really bad. Like bad bad!!! I wasn't expecting it to happen. This man said he liked me one minute and the next minute, he said he likes someone else more
than he did me; and as simple as that sounds, it hurt. I wondered how he went from asking me to let my guard down and trust him to telling me he chose another girl over me. My mind was blown.

I'm not going to try to sound tough or hard or strong. I'm an emotional person so rejection hits me pretty hard. I think it hits everyone hard but we overcome rejection differently. I went through the 5 stages of grief and when acceptance would come, it came with the realisation that he wasn't my person. If he was mine, he would have chosen me and not another girl.

So many beautiful love stories in the Bible of how men choose their women and 'wifed' them, better still how God choose their women for them and they (the men) were fast to wife them. I love the story of Ruth and Boaz so much. At this time, I love this story because of Naomi; she's a really strong and wise woman. She lost her husband and sons. She thought God had rejected her '...for it grieves me very much for your sakes that the hand of the Lord has gone out against me2'. She asked the women to call her Mara instead of Naomi '... for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, and the Lord has brought me home again empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the Lord has testified against me, and the Almighty has afflicted me?3but through her wisdom and Ruth's faithfulness, she was able to smile again 'Then the women said to Naomi, "Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a close relative; and may his name be famous in Israel! And may he be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age; for your daughter-in-law, who is better to you than seven sons, has borne him." Then Naomi took the child and laid him on her bosom, and became a nurse to him4'. When I think of all my failed relationships, the story of Naomi and Ruth keeps and warms my heart. Ruth told Naomi "Entreat me not to leave you, or turn back from following after you, For wherever you go, I will go, and wherever you lodge, I will lodge, Your people shall be my people and your God, my God, Where you die, I will die, And there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me5"  Sweet words!!!

I want a man who will chose me, who will see through the walls, defence mechanism, weirdness/goofiness, body size/shape, age, career, etc and be like 'Fehintola, wherever you go, I will go and wherever you lodge, I will lodge...' Okay maybe not in the exact words Ruth used to Naomi but you get my point. I don't want to be anyone's second choice or afterthought. When Adam saw Eve, everything clicked. He just knew who had been missing in the garden all along, he said "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man6" Sweet words, people!!!

I know I'm using a lot of bible reference and I'm not sorry. I find the word of God to be a balm that heals my hurt and helps me overcome rejection; they are the words that run through my mind when I'm sitting on the floor, crying my heart out and wondering what I did wrong for that man I liked so much to leave me. They are the words that help me stand up and look at myself in the mirror and smile. They are the words that help me face each day knowing that His love for me is unconditional and he will never leave me nor forsake me.

'Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.'7
'For I know the plans I have for you' says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope'8

When I meet my person, all the tears, sleepless nights, loss of appetite, feelings of loneliness and rejection won't matter, they will fade away into nothingness, They will drown under the weight of our love and joy. Like the women rejoicing with Naomi, I'm sure my sisters will rejoice with me, lol.

'To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.'9

I hope you enjoyed reading today's post. This is something I needed to get off my chest and I feel writing has helped and I hope this post helps you with whatever you are dealing with. I would love to read your thoughts in the comments on how you deal and/or overcome rejection.

If you want to say hi, for collaborations, sponsorship and/or reviews, please send an email to fehintolaogunye@gmail.com or DM me on Twitter @fehintolaogunye and Instagram @fehintolaogunye

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xoxo...Fehintola

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Bible references
1.  Ruth 1: 16-17 NKJV, 2.  Ruth 1: 13B NKJV, 3.  Ruth 1: 20-21 NKJV, 4.  Ruth 4: 14-16 NKJV
5.  Ruth 1: 16-17 NKJV, 6. Genesis 2: 23 NKJV, 7. Romans 8: 37-39 NKJV, 8. Jeremiah 29:11 NLT
9. Isaiah 61: 3 NLT, 10. Isaiah 41: 10 NLT

10 comments

  1. By God's grace, your man is on the way. he will love and adore you cos you are a beautiful and loving person

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  2. I don't think anyone is ever ready for rejection, even when you think you can handle it, it always comes down hard. By God's grace you will meet the right person and nothing else will matter. Stay strong darling...xxx

    www.sunlightdreamer.com
    PRAYERS UNANSWERED III – A SHORT STORY

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  3. A beautiful emotional piece. One I can relate to. Don't worry too much, your Adam will locate you very soon. God does not forsake his own. Hugs

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  4. Oh girl, I hear you so loudly! Thanks for your honesty, vulnerability and realness--I actually wrote a piece that touched on this topic as well http://www.ohleighann.com/anyone-picked-last/

    Thanks again for this piece of writing and you're not alone in this struggle waiting for marriage!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind words, Leighann. I remember reading the article referenced in your comment and it touched me and gave me hope.

      Please read Leighann's article http://www.ohleighann.com/anyone-picked-last, she shares some nuggets that will help you while you're waiting for your heart desire.

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  5. We pray and we move on

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  6. I cried and asked so manny questions...........But i got to move on

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